The Three-Tier Book Boyfriend Checklist

There's nothing more delusional than reading a book, falling in love with the ridiculously hot male main character, deciding to divorce your husband and move to the city where the book is based in hopes of meeting the male main character of your dreams…

Enter the book boyfriend.

And today, I'm talking you through my detailed three-tier book boyfriend checklist.

You know, tick all the boxes and I'll let you tick my box.

Let's go...

Tier #1: The Book Boyfriend Starter Pack

For me to even consider this male main character a worthy book boyfriend to dream about for weeks post-read, here are the basics this man needs 👇

Ripped back jeans. He needs to wear these at least once. Whether he’s a corporate billionaire bro who wears suits by day, and then we finally get the casual scene with the ripped jeans (drool), or he wears ripped jeans all the time (drool), only to bust out a wank-worthy suit later in the game...Look, you can keep the suit because all I care about is the casual ripped jeans look, which must be coupled with…

The humble white t-shirt. The power that a book boyfriend wearing a white t-shirt has over me should be studied in defence against the dark arts. It’s dangerous. 

Add in.. dark, wavy/curly hair that flops onto his forehead from time to time, I die. I am dead. 

And finally, when he takes his coffee black. 

Black coffee has absolutely no business being sexy and yet it is the sex symbol of the beverage world. I can’t explain it. It just is.

So, that’s the book boyfriend starter pack. 

Don't have these? YOU SHALL NOT PASS.

Let’s move on to the next level that unlocks my loins… 

Tier #2: The Intermediate Book Boyfriend 

He passed the visual test, now it’s onto his personality.

I’m sorry but the only way into my pants, this book boyfriend has got to be sharp.

We’re talking witty, dry humour. He knows how to wield whip-smart comments when needed that are perfectly balanced to keep me on my toes without a trace of douche. 

I am well aware this is the equivalent of a degree in rocket science, but that's exactly why this trait falls into the intermediate category.

But wait, there’s more…

He ALSO needs to whip up banter like he’s a goddamn baker. He leans into it. He doesn’t falter. He will hold eye contact with you while he delivers one-liners that make you melt. Clean up on aisle Liz!

And he’s got more emotional intelligence than the Hulk. I know, the bar isn’t high, and yes, his communication could use a bit of work, but he’s aware. And he’s thoughtful because of it. 

All of these traits come together for the third and final tier....

Introducing...

Tier #3: The Advanced Book Boyfriend

Well, this reel says it all.

While you're over there, smash that follow button and let's be friends. 

Also, did I miss anything for our book boyfriend pack? Hit reply and lemme know.

Til Soon,

Elizabeth

Peter Kavinsky → Owen Hendricks: The Evolution of a Man

It all started with TikTok. As most of my greatest unhinged thoughts do.

This song was trending again because Noah Centineo—while filming The Recruit in Korea—did a guest appearance on XO, Kitty. 

And suddenly, my entire timeline was throwing back to peak Peter Kavinsky era.

Which led me to The Recruit, Season 2.

Which led me to the realization that Peter Kavinsky is gone.
And Owen Hendricks is who we have now.

And honestly? I’m not mad about it.

Because if this is who Peter K turned into, I am SOLD.

How Peter Kavinsky Became Owen Hendricks: A Timeline 

Senior year: Peter and Lara Jean promise to make long-distance work. They think they’re different. They are not.

College era: The calls get fewer. The texts become one-word responses. One day, she calls him “buddy.” He knows it’s over.

Post-breakup phase: Gets a gym membership. Listens to The Weeknd too much. Tries to “focus on himself” but mostly just stares at his phone waiting for her texts.

Graduation: Majors in law. Because if love isn’t forever, maybe a stable career is.

First job: Lands at the CIA as a lawyer. (This is where I personally just started over, moved to London, and rebranded as an Aussie expat. But that’s just me.)

Current day: Owen Hendricks is what happens when a golden retriever boy grows up, gets hit by reality, and realizes high school love stories don’t always last—but national security threats do.

Peter vs. Owen: The Evolution of a Man 

Peter Kavinsky (2018):

• Wrote Lara Jean a legally binding love contract.

• Wore oversized hoodies and looked adorable doing it.

• Gave “will absolutely make you a Spotify playlist” energy.

• Thought love was the most important thing.

Owen Hendricks (2024):

• Writes classified government documents that can’t legally exist.

• Wears suits but somehow still has that effortless hot guy energy.

• Gives “I could ruin your life, but I won’t” energy.

• Knows love is important, but also? Maybe national security is too.

The Hoodie Scene That Broke Me 

I was fully on board with CIA Owen. The suits? Fine. The stress? Understandable. The constant "I might get killed today" energy? Comes with the job.

But then. The hoodie.

There’s a moment in The Recruit Season 2 where Owen throws on an oversized hoodie and for exactly 2.5 seconds, I saw him. Peter Kavinsky. 

It was like the ghost of his former self appeared on my screen just to remind me that deep down, he's still that guy.

And that’s when I knew. Owen Hendricks isn’t lost.

Maybe Peter Kavinsky didn’t die.
Maybe he just put on a suit… and a strategically timed hoodie.

So… Is Owen Hendricks Our Older, More Dangerous, Yet Trustworthy Boyfriend?

• He’s got the charm of Peter Kavinsky.

• The confidence of a man who can talk his way out of anything.

• And the energy of someone who knows exactly how to handle a crisis.

Would I trust him with my life?
Yes.
Would I also make him take a nap and drink some water first?
Also yes.

Where Do You Stand on This Very Important Debate?

Is Owen Hendricks the best-case scenario for a former romcom boy? Would he still wear a scrunchie, or has the world hardened him beyond repair? And most importantly—are we attracted to him, or do we need to go touch grass?

Come yell at me on Instagram. I am deeply invested in this.

Til soon,
 

Elizabeth

P.S. The hoodie in question 👇

The 2025 Delusional Book Boyfriend Awards

You’ve heard of The Dundies. But have you ever given out awards to the fictional men who live in your head rent-free?

Welcome to the inaugural Delusional Book Boyfriend Awards.

An unhinged awards show hosted by me (Elizabeth), judged by vibes, and completely biased based on how much a man made me feel things in my brain, body, and bones.

Let’s hand out some trophies, shall we?

🏆 1. Most Embarrassing Dialogue in a Book That Sold 100 Million Copies
Christian Grey, Fifty Shades of Grey
 

For saying things like “I don't make love. I fuck…hard.” With a straight face. If I had a dollar for every time I cringed, I could buy back all the first edition copies and burn them. And yet. He walked so the rest of the horny book boyfriends could run.

🏆 2. The Book Boyfriend Who Turned His Guilt Into Getting Her Off
Beat Dawkins, Wreck the Halls by Tessa Bailey
 

He denies himself orgasms as penance for being a “bad person.” Instead of therapy, he chooses to worship Melody like she’s the only religion he believes in. Deeply concerning. Deeply hot.

🏆 3. Best Banter While Still Married
Ben Morgan, You Had Me at Hello by Mhairi McFarlane
 

Let me be clear: he was TAKEN the entire book. There is no sex. There is only tension and witty repartee so devastatingly good I had to lie down. This book taught me what pining is. And also what emotional infidelity looks like. But I forgive him because he’s Ben.

🏆 4. Most Unhinged Use of a Murder Weapon As A Sex Toy
Knife Guy, Lights Out by Navessa Allen

Yes, this is a category with competition. Full disclosure: I heard one snippet from TT and the next thing I knew, I was 300 pages deep in murder foreplay. Do I remember his name? No. But he makes her ride the handle of a knife. Once you read that scene, everything else in the book feels like a cool-down lap.

🏆 5. Best Shadow Daddy
Xaden Riorson, Fourth Wing / Iron Flame / Onyx Storm by Rebecca Yarros

Most book boyfriends go soft the minute they catch feelings. Not Xaden. Three books deep and he’s still brooding, still bantering, still “well the fuck aware” that he makes treason look like foreplay. Love made him hotter. Which should be impossible. It usually is. Sign me up for treason, just to be in his presence.

🏆 6. The One Who Says “My Favourite Flavour Is You”
Eli Mora, The Ex Vows

He calls her Peach. He goes down on her and murmurs “my favourite flavour.” Then says the same line while ordering peach cake in public. At a bakery. In front of the cake lady who absolutely did not consent to this exchange. And yet? An icon.

🏆 7. Best Use of Hair as Emotional Warfare
Xander Miller, Bed Chemistry

You think it’s the mouth. It’s not. It’s the hair. Wet, flopping, fluffed-up curls that land directly on the forehead like they’ve been styled by a higher power. Every time he runs his hand through it, a reader loses their will to live. It’s cinematic. It’s tragic. It’s art.

🏆 Honourable Mention: Book Boyfriend Who Was Hot Until He Got Soft

Winner: Rhysand (but specifically in A Court of Silver Flames)

 Listen. I was THERE for the wingspan. I was THERE for the swagger. I would’ve let him pin me against a wall with his mind and say “hello, Feyre darling” for the rest of my goddamn life.

But by Silver Flames? He was just a loved-up dad in a nightgown. Giving Hallmark movie energy. I cannot express the ick I felt when he started baby-talking. He went from shadow daddy to soft-launch Pinterest husband.  

I miss the war criminal.

That’s all for this week’s chaos. 

Consider this your official reminder that BED CHEMISTRY is out December 9, 2025—and Xander Miller is your next fictional obsession. 

Now tell me: who did I miss? Who needs their own award? What book boyfriend still lives in your head? Email me back, I’m nosy.

How To Look Good

I want to look good.

But when it’s over 25 degrees c (that's 77 F) I don’t want to wear make-up or spend 20 minutes with my head under blasting hot air.

I want to wear heels.

But fuck sore feet.

I want to shop at Chanel.

But every time I’m in the city I’m wearing a Nike hoodie and sneakers and a top that has some sort of unidentifiable stain because I'm one of those eaters.

I want it all.

The make-up-free, and fancy-free life.

And I want all the fancy too.

I want to look like I stepped straight out of The Iconic website.

But I don’t want to dress up.

I want to work in an office.

But don’t want to leave the house.

I want to be the super fit active chick.

But I don't want to wash my hair every day.

It's all so exhausting I might just need to lie down.

Why is it that making yourself up makes you feel better about yourself?

Like somehow not wearing make-up means you’ve let yourself go?

That you’re not polished enough.

And what does being polished have to do with being productive? And living?

Every woman I know has said this to me at least once:

I feel so much better going to work when I take the time to put on make-up and do my hair.

What the hell is that about?

Guys don’t do it.

My husband doesn’t do it. He throws on a T-shirt and jeans and looks hot as fuck. Sure, he checks himself out in the mirror, but he’s done in 10 minutes.

And I’m sitting there thinking up tricks to make myself look hot to match his hotness.

Why do I need to do that?

Why don’t I believe throwing on my own T-shirt and jeans, make-up free, makes me the same hotness as him?

That I’m supposed to create the perfect smokey eyes effect with the blunt eyeliner that results in one blood-shot eye because I JUST STABBED MYSELF IN THE EYE.

That I’m supposed to blend and fucking blend and blend the eye shadow so it makes my eyes look bigger and deeper and greener.

That I’m supposed to draw on my eyebrows because without it you can’t even see them and no one looks hot without eyebrows.

The expectation of it all.

That I must do these things before we go out to make myself look hot.

And I can’t even pull the ‘fun’ card, like: But I loooveeee pouring myself a glass of wine and cranking the tunes and getting ready to go out.

I have to drink the fucking wine to get me tipsy enough to agree to put on the make-up.

I don’t have to tell you how stressful it is trying to get the winged eyeliner to match. It can make or break my night. It can turn a perfectly amazing day with a fun night ahead into a stressful situation where I end up in tears, on the couch, emotionally eating.

It can turn my super fresh-from-the-shower kind of feeling into I-just-ran-a-marathon-even-though-I'd-never-actualy-run-a-marathon not-so-fresh feeling thanks to the pressure to get it right.

It’s not fun.

But after all of that, I do look hot as fuck with make-up on.

There's no denying it.

I look fucking hot.

And it's doing my head in.

Why do I look hotter with make-up?

I opened up Google, and I typed in: “the science of makeup”

Turns out, it’s all about sex and periods.

Females of the animal world know that sex sells.

And really, that’s the whole point.

To sell the sex, make the baby, and have your genes live happily ever after.

Most other animals advertise their youth, health and sexual availability through physical signals, but thanks to being an evolved species, we generally don’t go around throwing our last blood-stained tampon of the month in our dude’s direction saying: Look! Last bleed done, I’m totes fertile, let’s bang.

Enter: makeup.

The female’s go-to in false advertising to sell the sex, make the babies and have their species live forever and ever.

And that’s why I couldn’t logically understand it.

Underneath it all, women are just horn bags animals waking around thinking about how to get some with the solution being makeup.

Which isn’t so bad.

Because sex rocks.

Til Soon,

Elizabeth

How To Manifest A Tick To Mark Ronson In 7 Days

I’ve got a really specific talent. It’s super niche. It’s my competitive edge.

I’m the industry leader in manifesting tickets to gigs at the 11th hour.

So today I introduce to you to my brand new FREE GUIDE: How to Manifest Tickets To Mark Ronson + Any Other Sold Out Gig At The 11th Hour In 5 Steps.

Step 1: You have to really want it.

Like really fucking want it. Like not, that’d be nice. Truly bat shit crazy want it. Like you’re so completely aligned that this is the thing your whole life has been leading up to receiving.

Step 2: You have to also not give a shit about it.

Never one to shy away from a cliche. Treat what you want mean, keep it keen. Shrug your shoulders. Say ‘whatevs.’ Ignore phone calls.

Step 3: Show up and do the work.

This is now your full time job. Forget your actual job. You are a machine. Laser focussed. Nothing else exists in your world except for putting all of your time and energy into getting what you want.

You’re cold calling people. You’re ringing in favours and debts from years past. You’re scouring the internet for resale tickets. And refreshing the pages every minute.

Step 4: You take a trip.

You don’t need LSD for this. Just a delusional and unhealthy imagination. You live in your mind now. At the gig. While you’re taking a dump and walking the dogs. You are dancing. You are front and centre. Mark Ronson spots you in the crowd. He stops his set half way. He jumps down from the stage. He professes his undying love for you. He grabs your face with his hands and kisses you passionately.

5. Be ready for the 11th hour.

That’s when the miracles happen. Anything else prior to the 11th hour isn’t technically a manifestation. It’s just straight up good planning, organisation, and getting in the queue for the ticket at 9am on the dot.

So have your hair and makeup done. Your outfit on. And the pre drinks flowing.

You’re going.

Take my advice, or not.

Til Soon,

Elizabeth