The 2025 Delusional Book Boyfriend Awards
You’ve heard of The Dundies. But have you ever given out awards to the fictional men who live in your head rent-free?
Welcome to the inaugural Delusional Book Boyfriend Awards.
An unhinged awards show hosted by me (Elizabeth), judged by vibes, and completely biased based on how much a man made me feel things in my brain, body, and bones.
Let’s hand out some trophies, shall we?
🏆 1. Most Embarrassing Dialogue in a Book That Sold 100 Million Copies
Christian Grey, Fifty Shades of Grey
For saying things like “I don't make love. I fuck…hard.” With a straight face. If I had a dollar for every time I cringed, I could buy back all the first edition copies and burn them. And yet. He walked so the rest of the horny book boyfriends could run.
🏆 2. The Book Boyfriend Who Turned His Guilt Into Getting Her Off
Beat Dawkins, Wreck the Halls by Tessa Bailey
He denies himself orgasms as penance for being a “bad person.” Instead of therapy, he chooses to worship Melody like she’s the only religion he believes in. Deeply concerning. Deeply hot.
🏆 3. Best Banter While Still Married
Ben Morgan, You Had Me at Hello by Mhairi McFarlane
Let me be clear: he was TAKEN the entire book. There is no sex. There is only tension and witty repartee so devastatingly good I had to lie down. This book taught me what pining is. And also what emotional infidelity looks like. But I forgive him because he’s Ben.
🏆 4. Most Unhinged Use of a Murder Weapon As A Sex Toy
Knife Guy, Lights Out by Navessa Allen
Yes, this is a category with competition. Full disclosure: I heard one snippet from TT and the next thing I knew, I was 300 pages deep in murder foreplay. Do I remember his name? No. But he makes her ride the handle of a knife. Once you read that scene, everything else in the book feels like a cool-down lap.
🏆 5. Best Shadow Daddy
Xaden Riorson, Fourth Wing / Iron Flame / Onyx Storm by Rebecca Yarros
Most book boyfriends go soft the minute they catch feelings. Not Xaden. Three books deep and he’s still brooding, still bantering, still “well the fuck aware” that he makes treason look like foreplay. Love made him hotter. Which should be impossible. It usually is. Sign me up for treason, just to be in his presence.
🏆 6. The One Who Says “My Favourite Flavour Is You”
Eli Mora, The Ex Vows
He calls her Peach. He goes down on her and murmurs “my favourite flavour.” Then says the same line while ordering peach cake in public. At a bakery. In front of the cake lady who absolutely did not consent to this exchange. And yet? An icon.
🏆 7. Best Use of Hair as Emotional Warfare
Xander Miller, Bed Chemistry
You think it’s the mouth. It’s not. It’s the hair. Wet, flopping, fluffed-up curls that land directly on the forehead like they’ve been styled by a higher power. Every time he runs his hand through it, a reader loses their will to live. It’s cinematic. It’s tragic. It’s art.
🏆 Honourable Mention: Book Boyfriend Who Was Hot Until He Got Soft
Winner: Rhysand (but specifically in A Court of Silver Flames)
Listen. I was THERE for the wingspan. I was THERE for the swagger. I would’ve let him pin me against a wall with his mind and say “hello, Feyre darling” for the rest of my goddamn life.
But by Silver Flames? He was just a loved-up dad in a nightgown. Giving Hallmark movie energy. I cannot express the ick I felt when he started baby-talking. He went from shadow daddy to soft-launch Pinterest husband.
I miss the war criminal.
That’s all for this week’s chaos.
Consider this your official reminder that BED CHEMISTRY is out December 9, 2025—and Xander Miller is your next fictional obsession.
Now tell me: who did I miss? Who needs their own award? What book boyfriend still lives in your head? Email me back, I’m nosy.